Not Again! I totally dislike moving!

I was recently told by my landlord that its time to move.  He wants to sell the house and I certainly don't want to buy it for several reasons.   Let the brain wracking begin!
I have started the looking process as well as written out what the ideal location would be like.  3 bedrooms, private location with enough space for a garden, either near family/friends or near my job, rent under 1,000, allows 2 dogs..1 big one little.  I would like to avoid NY if possible because of their flu vaccine laws that are going to start requiring children to mandatory get the flu vaccine.  Funny isn't it, how this year was mandatory vaccines for health care workers and we had a longer flu season than usual?  Last 7 months.  It was just 2 days ago that they said we didn't have to wear the masks! 
I am not asking for much am I!
I am seriously thinking that I will move closer to my job in the Albany area.  My co workers are my friends, I can get more done without having to drive over an hour one way every day.  More job opportunities.  It also would put me near the Honest WT co-op and Stram Center, two places I want to join and model Open Ground Living after.
Honest Weight Co-op is so very awesome.  Check out their web page.  http://www.honestweight.coop/     I love their store.  It reminds me...what you can do when you have a dream or a vision and you go for it. 

I found the Stram Center after I got bit by some ticks and was feeling ill.  I signed up to go there but didn't because my car broke down and the money I was going to use for that place had to go for the car.  http://stramcenter.com/index.php. 
  
If it wasn't for my job and my desire not to keep job hopping, I might just move south.  I would like to live somewhere warm and green.  I hate the idea of being so far away from my family. 
Some of my beliefs that are holding me back or causing conflict.  These beliefs I don't believe are bad or good, they just might be keeping me from growing or trying new things.  1) It's bad for your career to keep switching jobs every year.  The problem is that I am not doing what I really want to do.  Will there ever come that perfect time?
2) It's vital my girls have consistency and family in their life even if I have to sacrifice to give them that.  This belief keeps me tied to the area that I am in.  Its where most of our family resides.  It's where their school and friends are.  It's also one of the most expensive areas as well and its job opportunities are limited.   

3) My husbands legal needs have to be taken into consideration.  As you know already (I think you do) My husband is still gone...  trying to earn enough money to face his legal battles is what I am told.  I keep thinking...If he wants to come home, CT is the best place to live because he is off the registry.  If needs to serve jail time, that would make it easier for me to visit him.  If I move to NY then and he moves there he will be on the registry for at least 30 years or more unless we fight to get him off.  If I move to a state like VT I am under the impression he wouldn't have to register legally because he is off the registry in CT.  

He is supposedly starting to pick up some good jobs where he is at.  He is not going to want to leave those areas to come back to this area where finding work is harder.  If I moved somewhere closer to him, what happens when the other shoe does drop and he lands back in jail.  Where will I be then? 

 I listed some of my beliefs that make it hard for me to make a decision. Conflicting believes are what hold many people back from achieving great things in their life.  They keep you from taking true control of your life.  In order to go forward, I need to let go of the fear.  The underlying fears being that I will hurt my career, my ability to take care of my family if I keep changing jobs.  I will hurt my children if I keep moving them around, they will never develop life long friends or lasting relationships with others.  They will be damaged academically because they keep switching schools.   I am  not enough to do this all on my own, I need the help and support of others.

I am tired of raising my children on my own, I would like to have help from my husband.  The only problem is I AM AFRAID!  I have a lot of what ifs when it comes to being with my husband.  Especially since he has a lot of stuff hanging over his head.   My belief is that eventually the law is going to catch up with him.  Do I want to be there when that happens?  If I am around, literally, what would be the consequence for me and my children.  Do I just move someplace that is best for me and my children and not worry about what is best for him?

I know deep inside that if I was convicted that being with my husband was the best thing for us, we would be together.  I am not convicted of that.  I want to be with him, yet I don't.  So sad isn't it?  Confusing too.  For those who love a RSO,  I think you might know what it's like to be sad, confused and still love someone at the same time. 
 If I let go of the fear and changed my belief to something that my family and I are going to grow and be successful, no matter what decision I make that would be empowering.  Jobs are not dependent on the length of time that I stay, but who I am as a person.  You can develop close relationships without having to be in close proximity to your family. 
It will be interesting to see what the next few weeks and days bring as I seek to release my fears.  What doors will open?  What doors will close?  What will I learn.
I hope today's sharing is one you can relate too and that it helps you to look at your beliefs, both the empowering and dis empowering.  I hope it helps you to want to let go of what is holding you back so you too can reach the stars!

RTF...what is that?

Recently I have spent a couple of shifts at a residential treatment facility for children with severe behavioral problems.  Children whose parents are unable to manage them at home because of violence toward themselves or others. 
Some of the generalizations one would make about the children who come here, Most, but not all of the children who come here, come from abusive families, have been sexually abused, have family history of mental health, come from broken homes, were exposed to drugs in utero, and have learning difficulties, and developmental delays along with the mental health problems.  Some are borderline mentally challenged.  A good portion of the children seemed to be diagnosed as bipolar.
 In order to qualify to stay here, you have been kicked out of schools,  and you have been hospitalized for mental health issues and this is a last resort.
A term that is used frequently is" this child has been sexualized".  This means the child is exhibiting sexual behaviors inappropriately.  The children who come to this facility are between the ages of 12 and 20.  They will on average stay for about a year.  It used to be parents would get them enrolled in programs like this indefinitely, all the while collecting the children's disability checks.  The state would end up paying twice for the children.  I guess at least NY state wizened up to that practice and put a stop to it.
Its a non profit place and  what the staff makes is usually not competitive.  So many of the staff who work here, do it because they love the job, they love the children.  It really is not what I would consider a very easy place to work emotionally.  Physically, its not too bad, but has its risk, such as having restrain a  angry teen/young adult or just being in the way of one of these children when they end up getting violent. 
Gone are the days of chemical or posy restraints.  The only restraints used here are physical restraints applied by staff members.  Meaning 3 staff members have to hold who ever is out of control in a supine position.  Thank goodness this isn't a daily occurrence.  Sad that it has to happen at all.
I wonder how many of the children who come to this program will live successfully as an adult?  How many of the children here will end up being labeled as a rso?  It seems likely doesn't it if they are already acting out in a sexual manner?  Perhaps programs like this are able to help reduce the risk by teaching them new ways to act and manage their feelings.  How many of them will end up in prison?  We know that a majority of inmates have generally come from an abusive home, have been sexualized at an early age, were exposed to lead or drugs, have learning problems or not been properly educated. 
I hope programs like this are successful in breaking the cycle children becoming sex offenders or ending up in jail. 
What is the success rate places like this? How can we improve the success rate?  How can we break the cycle of mental health problems that lead to the rso label?