Now this blog, like most blogs, is just my opinion, thoughts, feelings, which as we all know, is worth maybe two cents. So bear that in mind when you are reading.
It seems like to me that this country is doing its damnedest to destroy families. I know that some of you out there will say, that is crazy thinking!!! So please if you can for a few minutes, try to follow my line of thinking. Maybe I am crazy, so please feel free to share your thoughts and opinions, just in a nice way.
We live in a day and age where divorce is becoming more and more frequent. According to the statistics of some researchers, the US is 6th out the the 10 ten countries for divorce. I am surprised, I thought we might have the highest rate. Of course, I always think the US is #1 for everything, but most of the time, we are not.....except for when it comes to incarcerating people, we are very successful at locking people up, and not just our own. Imagine that. Any way, back to our divorce rates. "50% of all marriages in America, end in divorce. 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce", according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield , Missouri. Statistically speaking, it sure doesn't look good for my husband and I. This is his 3rd marriage, first marriage for me. The chances of us, getting divorced are even greater since he was incarcerated. 85% of marriages where one of the partners is incarcerated ends in divorce. Hmm, I wonder why? Yes, I am being a bit sarcastic there. I have a pretty good understanding from personal experience of why a marriage might end in divorce when someone has been incarcerated. Its a long list of reasons.
I knew going into this marriage that its likely that we will fail, but I didn't want to end up as just another statistic. I am not saying this won't happen, but it won't happen without a fight. The reason, I won't divorce my husband without having given it all I have is because I think divorce is detrimental to the well being of our children, our future children's children and the country as a whole. I prefer to keep working on the problems that we face instead of packing it in, even if we are separated, while we figure out how to approach the issues.
I know that there is research out there to back up what I am saying, but personally, I don't care if the research supports what I say or not about most things, when I am able to observe things for myself and draw my own conclusions. What I have noticed is that when people divorce, the quality of life goes down for most people, especially for women and the children. Their homes are messier, the children have to fend for themselves more, more people end up on welfare because of divorce. The children run wild, with less boundaries to safe guard them. Its hard for one parent to control their children.
Now I know these are generalizations and its not like this for every family. I will say, that these generalizations are probably true for the majority. It makes sense when you think about it. Its harder to care for your children when you are doing it by yourself. You don't have the time to clean your house or cook wholesome meals because you are too busy working your ass off just to survive. I think its harder to eat meals as a family too because as an adult, its lonely eating a meal without your partner, that you shared so much with. It becomes easier and dulls the pain and loneliness by sitting in front of the TV with your food. Its hard to be the bad and good guy. Its hard to find the emotional energy and physical energy that is needed for parenting when its just you. Raising a family by yourself without the help and support of a partner is not optimal. Its so cliche, but two are better than one.
What bothers me so much about this day and age, is it seems like we are telling people, either by words or actions, that" hey two parents is not needed to raise a family." Listen, I know that single parents can successfully raise their children, but honestly I think children do better when they have a stable family environment with at least 2 adults, if not more to help in their upbringing. For a majority, that would be a mother and father. I say this as a parent who is once again raising children on my own, and having had the chance to raise them with someone. I prefer raising them with someone despite the heart ache that came with it.
I know that there are lots of reasons not to stay with a person, and everyone has to do what is right for them, but maybe if we thought about the consequences a bit more either before we make a family or before we divorce, we might make different choices. I do wish I had thought about things more before I gave my heart away, but that is water under the bridge so to speak. I also know that marriage is not easy, I wish it was. Maybe we need to realize that having a family is not easy peezy like" Leave it to Beaver or the Brady Bunch. It can be hard hard work, but then end result just might be worth it. If we keep skipping from relationship to relationship, without fixing what went wrong in the first place, then what ever was broken in the first place, will continue to follow us and end up impacting more people. Why not limit it to one family? Think about it, my husband and his actions have affected 3 seperate families. If I divorce my husband without learning about what I did to sabatoge our marriage, after all it takes two, I will bring that to the table in the next relationship. I believe chances are that I would find another man who is an alcoholic or addict of some type. There is something gentically encoded in me to seek out people who "need fixing" . I say this because I come from a long line of caretakers. I know it sounds sick in a way, but that's why I am talking about it. It can't get better if its not acknowledged and appropriate steps taken to heal.
If he moves on and gets involved with another woman without addressing his problems, well then that's another family to get hurt. Men as much as they hate to admit it, have a hard time living without us. As much as women out there would think they wouldn't fall for my a man like my husband, I know that its not true, because I see them throw themselves at him more often than I like. In my opinion, he does not know how to live without someone taking care of him. So as many won't understand this, by staying with one person, maybe in the long run, less people will get hurt.
How do I say this...our welfare program has in some ways hurt families and maybe is destroying them, by giving money, when what we need to do, is find ways to make people more accountable and responsible for their children. Its become too easy to let the government take care of us instead of toughing it out and taking care of ourselves.
Another way that we are destroying families is by locking so many people up in prison. I get that people need to pay for their crimes. I get the idea of punishment. What I don't get is why we have so many people locked up and for such long periods of time. ( a majority who happen to be young black men, in case you didn't know. Still what is a problem for one, should concern all of us, because it won't long before its a problem for other groups of people as well) What I don't get is why when a person fails to pay child support, that we lock them up, which just perpetuates the cycle. What I am trying to say, is that we should be looking for solutions to strengthen people, strengthen families, so that this country can be strong. If someone can't pay child support because they can't afford it, don't have a job, or they are not able to make wise choices because of immature behavior, addictions, whatever the case may be, aren't there ways to help them other than jail? Wouldn't it be better to try and instill in them a sense that they are needed, that they have a purpose and then help them obtain what they need to be a member of society? When we send people away to jail, the children who are left at home, are losing out on learning important lessens, like what a responsible parent is supposed to be like, what it means to be a man or a women. What contributing to society means. If the children don't learn these lessons, then it affects their ability to raise their children, which again affects the next generation of children.
We are also losing our families to things like addiction to TV, the Internet, drugs, alcohol. Whether we see it or not, these things when they are not balanced, and are in excess, they hurt our families. We are hurt, because people are social creatures, at least some are. Me, I am not so sure. When we allow ourselves to be isolated by spending too much time in one activity, we are not spending face to face time with others, which is how we grow and develop healthy ways of thinking.
To sum it all up, I feel that its become too easy to give up when things get tough. Its become too easy to let the government take care of us, instead of looking for solutions to our problems. Its become to easy to walk away from our responsibilities when we say "I do." We have lost sight that children need to be raised by a person, not a TV or computer screen. We have forgotten that we are our childrens first and most important teachers. (By the way, maybe we should think twice about letting our government run our schools) We are losing sight that the roles of a mother and father are equally important. We have forgotten that the roles that grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends play are important as well.
Its become too easy for the government to use jail as a solution. I think that there is a reason why so many people are in jail and its not just because of criminal behaviour, I think there is a bigger problem, but one that very few people want to think about.
I apologize for the rambling that I do. I know the words do not express my point very well, but if you can just think about about what family is, should be, what it means and what we can do to safe guard it, then I have succeeded despite my limitations.
It seems like to me that this country is doing its damnedest to destroy families. I know that some of you out there will say, that is crazy thinking!!! So please if you can for a few minutes, try to follow my line of thinking. Maybe I am crazy, so please feel free to share your thoughts and opinions, just in a nice way.
We live in a day and age where divorce is becoming more and more frequent. According to the statistics of some researchers, the US is 6th out the the 10 ten countries for divorce. I am surprised, I thought we might have the highest rate. Of course, I always think the US is #1 for everything, but most of the time, we are not.....except for when it comes to incarcerating people, we are very successful at locking people up, and not just our own. Imagine that. Any way, back to our divorce rates. "50% of all marriages in America, end in divorce. 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce", according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield , Missouri. Statistically speaking, it sure doesn't look good for my husband and I. This is his 3rd marriage, first marriage for me. The chances of us, getting divorced are even greater since he was incarcerated. 85% of marriages where one of the partners is incarcerated ends in divorce. Hmm, I wonder why? Yes, I am being a bit sarcastic there. I have a pretty good understanding from personal experience of why a marriage might end in divorce when someone has been incarcerated. Its a long list of reasons.
I knew going into this marriage that its likely that we will fail, but I didn't want to end up as just another statistic. I am not saying this won't happen, but it won't happen without a fight. The reason, I won't divorce my husband without having given it all I have is because I think divorce is detrimental to the well being of our children, our future children's children and the country as a whole. I prefer to keep working on the problems that we face instead of packing it in, even if we are separated, while we figure out how to approach the issues.
I know that there is research out there to back up what I am saying, but personally, I don't care if the research supports what I say or not about most things, when I am able to observe things for myself and draw my own conclusions. What I have noticed is that when people divorce, the quality of life goes down for most people, especially for women and the children. Their homes are messier, the children have to fend for themselves more, more people end up on welfare because of divorce. The children run wild, with less boundaries to safe guard them. Its hard for one parent to control their children.
Now I know these are generalizations and its not like this for every family. I will say, that these generalizations are probably true for the majority. It makes sense when you think about it. Its harder to care for your children when you are doing it by yourself. You don't have the time to clean your house or cook wholesome meals because you are too busy working your ass off just to survive. I think its harder to eat meals as a family too because as an adult, its lonely eating a meal without your partner, that you shared so much with. It becomes easier and dulls the pain and loneliness by sitting in front of the TV with your food. Its hard to be the bad and good guy. Its hard to find the emotional energy and physical energy that is needed for parenting when its just you. Raising a family by yourself without the help and support of a partner is not optimal. Its so cliche, but two are better than one.
What bothers me so much about this day and age, is it seems like we are telling people, either by words or actions, that" hey two parents is not needed to raise a family." Listen, I know that single parents can successfully raise their children, but honestly I think children do better when they have a stable family environment with at least 2 adults, if not more to help in their upbringing. For a majority, that would be a mother and father. I say this as a parent who is once again raising children on my own, and having had the chance to raise them with someone. I prefer raising them with someone despite the heart ache that came with it.
I know that there are lots of reasons not to stay with a person, and everyone has to do what is right for them, but maybe if we thought about the consequences a bit more either before we make a family or before we divorce, we might make different choices. I do wish I had thought about things more before I gave my heart away, but that is water under the bridge so to speak. I also know that marriage is not easy, I wish it was. Maybe we need to realize that having a family is not easy peezy like" Leave it to Beaver or the Brady Bunch. It can be hard hard work, but then end result just might be worth it. If we keep skipping from relationship to relationship, without fixing what went wrong in the first place, then what ever was broken in the first place, will continue to follow us and end up impacting more people. Why not limit it to one family? Think about it, my husband and his actions have affected 3 seperate families. If I divorce my husband without learning about what I did to sabatoge our marriage, after all it takes two, I will bring that to the table in the next relationship. I believe chances are that I would find another man who is an alcoholic or addict of some type. There is something gentically encoded in me to seek out people who "need fixing" . I say this because I come from a long line of caretakers. I know it sounds sick in a way, but that's why I am talking about it. It can't get better if its not acknowledged and appropriate steps taken to heal.
If he moves on and gets involved with another woman without addressing his problems, well then that's another family to get hurt. Men as much as they hate to admit it, have a hard time living without us. As much as women out there would think they wouldn't fall for my a man like my husband, I know that its not true, because I see them throw themselves at him more often than I like. In my opinion, he does not know how to live without someone taking care of him. So as many won't understand this, by staying with one person, maybe in the long run, less people will get hurt.
How do I say this...our welfare program has in some ways hurt families and maybe is destroying them, by giving money, when what we need to do, is find ways to make people more accountable and responsible for their children. Its become too easy to let the government take care of us instead of toughing it out and taking care of ourselves.
Another way that we are destroying families is by locking so many people up in prison. I get that people need to pay for their crimes. I get the idea of punishment. What I don't get is why we have so many people locked up and for such long periods of time. ( a majority who happen to be young black men, in case you didn't know. Still what is a problem for one, should concern all of us, because it won't long before its a problem for other groups of people as well) What I don't get is why when a person fails to pay child support, that we lock them up, which just perpetuates the cycle. What I am trying to say, is that we should be looking for solutions to strengthen people, strengthen families, so that this country can be strong. If someone can't pay child support because they can't afford it, don't have a job, or they are not able to make wise choices because of immature behavior, addictions, whatever the case may be, aren't there ways to help them other than jail? Wouldn't it be better to try and instill in them a sense that they are needed, that they have a purpose and then help them obtain what they need to be a member of society? When we send people away to jail, the children who are left at home, are losing out on learning important lessens, like what a responsible parent is supposed to be like, what it means to be a man or a women. What contributing to society means. If the children don't learn these lessons, then it affects their ability to raise their children, which again affects the next generation of children.
We are also losing our families to things like addiction to TV, the Internet, drugs, alcohol. Whether we see it or not, these things when they are not balanced, and are in excess, they hurt our families. We are hurt, because people are social creatures, at least some are. Me, I am not so sure. When we allow ourselves to be isolated by spending too much time in one activity, we are not spending face to face time with others, which is how we grow and develop healthy ways of thinking.
To sum it all up, I feel that its become too easy to give up when things get tough. Its become too easy to let the government take care of us, instead of looking for solutions to our problems. Its become to easy to walk away from our responsibilities when we say "I do." We have lost sight that children need to be raised by a person, not a TV or computer screen. We have forgotten that we are our childrens first and most important teachers. (By the way, maybe we should think twice about letting our government run our schools) We are losing sight that the roles of a mother and father are equally important. We have forgotten that the roles that grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends play are important as well.
Its become too easy for the government to use jail as a solution. I think that there is a reason why so many people are in jail and its not just because of criminal behaviour, I think there is a bigger problem, but one that very few people want to think about.
I apologize for the rambling that I do. I know the words do not express my point very well, but if you can just think about about what family is, should be, what it means and what we can do to safe guard it, then I have succeeded despite my limitations.
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