Saturday, March 23, 2013

I shouldn't be writing ....but I need to vent

I doubt that I should be blogging right now.  My heart truly is not in the right place.   I am blogging because I can't sleep. I can't get out of my head and I am sinking deeper into self pity.  I have spent the last hour and half trying to sleep and before that I was crying because things seem so desperate and unfair right now.  It's hard to feel optimistic when you feel trapped and like everything you love is slipping away.  Some of it is my own damn fault, some of it is because of my husband's actions and yet some of it is the actions of the state I live in.

Recap: My husband and I have been separated since Christmas 2012.  It's now going on 2 1/2 months.  Child Protective Services (cps) aka Department of children and families (dcf) came out the week after I asked him to leave and said he had to stay away until they say so.  He is gone, and on the run because he is scared.  Where he is I don't know, nor do I particularly want to know at this time.  The children have not seen him since their visit.
 We are a family, but only in the slightest sense presently.  It was easier when he was in jail because at least we could see him a couple times a week, if we wanted to.  I don't know if we would see him or not, but at least  it would be our decision to make, not somebody else deciding what we can do and can't do.
CPS came to visit again last week.  This time so they can begin their "treatment program."  They have decided that my husband is guilty of emotional negligence and the children are his victims and they must step in an "fix" this family.  What their treatment is going to consist of I don't know yet.  They haven't given me their "goals" yet.  What I do know is that at minimum they are going to visit the children and I weekly for the next 4 weeks and then 2x a month after that for 6 months.  If we are not meeting our goals or making adequate progress then they will contact the courts and take it to the next level.  Which I can only assume meaning they will begin the process of removing the children from the home. 
One of their goals already was that I obtain health insurance for us.  When this country first was founded there was no such thing as health insurance.  Life was a risk, so was your health.   While I have no disagreement with having health insurance.  I feel that it must be left up to the family to decide if it is appropriate.  For many families its a luxury they cannot afford.  I was able to get health insurance through my job, but it is going to cost me an 196.00 a week.  A 181 for the health insurance and 15 for dental insurance.  I had the choice to enroll in health insurance last year but I opted not to because financially it was too much.  I think it's cheaper to pay out of pocket when we need to see a doctor or a dentist if we need to.   We are not typically sick and when we do get sick, I try to use natural remedies or allow our bodies to heal themselves over time before running to see a doctor.  I think for the average family that has little health problems, a health insurance that is there for catastrophic purposes is more appropriate.  Sean Hannity and I are on the same page as far as our ideas go about health insurance.  A health savings account that would be available to everyone would be better than forcing people to pay for something they can't afford and may not ever need to use is foolish.  There is no reason why I should I pay 12,000 a year for an insurance plan when the most I may need to spend is 2,000.00 on medical expenses.  If this is a taste of what is coming with President's Obama's Healthcare plan, then we are in Trouble.  If anyone thinks that his national health care plan is  not going to affect you and your family and it will be easy to incorporate to you family finances, I have a feeling you will be disappointed.  One of my friends believes it is the goal of the government to have two classes of people, the rich and the poor.  The poor will be dependent of the government for all their needs.  The rich will be in control.  Scary thought....
What is your thought about health insurance?   How would you fix our heathcare system in this country?
 

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