I had so many things I have wanted write about over the last few days, health insurance, the blame game, jealousy, the legal system to name a few. Now I don't even know what to write. I am blocked up. Its been a little bit of an emotional roller coaster. Though, sometimes I think life is a constant roller coaster with ups and downs, loop de loops, slow spells, hang on for dear life speeds, caves full of darkness and monsters and then these beautiful take your breath away highs that are gone in a flash.
This weekend we had the big snow storm of the season. Even though we were in the midst of the storm, my family and I weren't too affected by it. We didn't lose power but for a few seconds. The snow though deep was not a heavy wet snow in our area, which makes it easier to manage. I guess there are things we can be grateful for. The weather forcasters in our area were just about 12 hours off on when they predicted the storm to start. That meant the kids didn't have school....I don't really like it when they cancel school and then there isn't any bad weather. It would have been especially upsetting if I had stayed home from work because of the storm. That was a big concern, I work 60+ miles from my house and I didn't want to get stuck away from home. People were encouraging me to not go to work. I am glad that I didn't listen this time.
It's been about a month and 13 days since my husband separated, first by my request, then cps made it official. Still don't know where that is going....I definitely don't like them involved in my affairs. I have been checking into the state health insurance plan, like they requested. I don't see how I can afford an extra 600.00 a month when I can barely afford rent,utilities, car payments and food. Its one of those catch 22. You are damned if you do, you are damned if you don't. See this is how I look at it. Maslow's hierarchy of human needs: Shelter and food are the most basic and important priorities, which is why they form the base of the pyramid.( If I get health insurance and counseling like they demand then our basic needs are going jeopardized. If I take time off during the week for counseling then my job is in jeopardy, which again puts the ability to take care of our basic needs at risk. Personally I think that the government wants us to be dependent on them so we can be better controlled. Oooh, listen to the paranoia.
Then comes safety, something that is in short supply of late. The main reasons for not feeling safe. 1) Fear of cps and authorities and what they are going to do to my family 2) Apprehension of my neighbor think and might do because my husband is an rso. They are afraid of him and we are just as afraid of them. Isn't that ironic. 3) Being alone without my husband. I know that they say women don't need men, but I think this thinking has led us to a throw away society. I know I can survive without a man, but living isn't as good. Even with my husbands drinking, our standard of living has gone down since he left 4)Finding a possum strung up in the bushes, knowing he didn't put himself there and knowing it is highly unlikely my dogs threw him up into bushes like that, makes me wonder why someone put that there. Is it a message or something? It's not like we feel wanted in our neighborhood, we don't make as much money as most people in this area and like I said, my husband is an rso and everyone knows it from the school officials to those on our block. It's a small affluent town and clearly we don't belong. I don't know what ever made us think we could go unnoticed here. We only moved here so we could complete the registry and things have fallen apart rather quickly.
After the basic needs and safety are taken care of, comes love and acceptance. If love and acceptance is such a big thing for humans to obtain, then why are people who have been punished for there crimes continually punished by withholding employment and acceptance by main stream society. How can we reintegrate into society when we are shunned? How can we stop the behaviors that got us into trouble in the first place when there is so little acceptance? I have wondered and wondered about this over the years. By constant shunning and shaming others, are we not just inviting more trouble and acting out? Isn't part of the problem for many people who are incarcerated that they are deficit in some areas such as education, social skills, and family? How can they develop the self esteem needed if we deny them but the very basics needed for survival. It's not even about becoming all they can be as a person, but at least meeting the basic needs so that they have a chance of actually living.
This weekend we had the big snow storm of the season. Even though we were in the midst of the storm, my family and I weren't too affected by it. We didn't lose power but for a few seconds. The snow though deep was not a heavy wet snow in our area, which makes it easier to manage. I guess there are things we can be grateful for. The weather forcasters in our area were just about 12 hours off on when they predicted the storm to start. That meant the kids didn't have school....I don't really like it when they cancel school and then there isn't any bad weather. It would have been especially upsetting if I had stayed home from work because of the storm. That was a big concern, I work 60+ miles from my house and I didn't want to get stuck away from home. People were encouraging me to not go to work. I am glad that I didn't listen this time.
It's been about a month and 13 days since my husband separated, first by my request, then cps made it official. Still don't know where that is going....I definitely don't like them involved in my affairs. I have been checking into the state health insurance plan, like they requested. I don't see how I can afford an extra 600.00 a month when I can barely afford rent,utilities, car payments and food. Its one of those catch 22. You are damned if you do, you are damned if you don't. See this is how I look at it. Maslow's hierarchy of human needs: Shelter and food are the most basic and important priorities, which is why they form the base of the pyramid.( If I get health insurance and counseling like they demand then our basic needs are going jeopardized. If I take time off during the week for counseling then my job is in jeopardy, which again puts the ability to take care of our basic needs at risk. Personally I think that the government wants us to be dependent on them so we can be better controlled. Oooh, listen to the paranoia.
Then comes safety, something that is in short supply of late. The main reasons for not feeling safe. 1) Fear of cps and authorities and what they are going to do to my family 2) Apprehension of my neighbor think and might do because my husband is an rso. They are afraid of him and we are just as afraid of them. Isn't that ironic. 3) Being alone without my husband. I know that they say women don't need men, but I think this thinking has led us to a throw away society. I know I can survive without a man, but living isn't as good. Even with my husbands drinking, our standard of living has gone down since he left 4)Finding a possum strung up in the bushes, knowing he didn't put himself there and knowing it is highly unlikely my dogs threw him up into bushes like that, makes me wonder why someone put that there. Is it a message or something? It's not like we feel wanted in our neighborhood, we don't make as much money as most people in this area and like I said, my husband is an rso and everyone knows it from the school officials to those on our block. It's a small affluent town and clearly we don't belong. I don't know what ever made us think we could go unnoticed here. We only moved here so we could complete the registry and things have fallen apart rather quickly.
After the basic needs and safety are taken care of, comes love and acceptance. If love and acceptance is such a big thing for humans to obtain, then why are people who have been punished for there crimes continually punished by withholding employment and acceptance by main stream society. How can we reintegrate into society when we are shunned? How can we stop the behaviors that got us into trouble in the first place when there is so little acceptance? I have wondered and wondered about this over the years. By constant shunning and shaming others, are we not just inviting more trouble and acting out? Isn't part of the problem for many people who are incarcerated that they are deficit in some areas such as education, social skills, and family? How can they develop the self esteem needed if we deny them but the very basics needed for survival. It's not even about becoming all they can be as a person, but at least meeting the basic needs so that they have a chance of actually living.
There are a lot of us out here who have your fears and concerns. My husband is on parole with only a short time left to go.
ReplyDeleteYou talk about your husband's drinking and I can only hope that you have found the Al-Anon program. If I had not been in Al-Anon for almost 30 years, these last 8 years would have been unbearable. A lot of people think that if they go to an Al-Anon meeting they will see somebody they know. They probably will because there are a lot of us who need it and if we are in a meeting, it's because we too, need to be there. It's anonymous and who you see and what you say in a meeting stays there.
The love and support of my family and my Al-Anon friends have gotten me over the rough spots. I don't tell everything in the meeting but have an Al-Anon sponsor that knows all about me and loves me anyway. While she has never had to deal with the problems facing RSO wives, she has had to deal with the prison system here in Texas and believe me it's no fun.
Hang in there and try to take things one day at a time. That's really all there is, isn't it?
Thank you for sharing. It gives me hope and lets in a little sunshine when others reply back in a positive way. I am familier with the Al-Anon program. It too has sustained me through some very rough times in my life, but sometimes I have trouble being completely honest when it comes to the issues of loving a RSO. I once had a sponsor, but unfortunately they were unable to cope with the truth about my husband, so they quit being my sponsor. I think back to that and I think that I stopped going to meetings shortly after that. It would be years before I started going to meetings again.
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