Okay, let me get straight to the point, my husband, the man I love, have loved for over 14 years is a registered sex offender. So, now that is out in the air, out in the open. I imagine if you are reading this you are either reviled by that admission, understand the pain that such a love can bring, or are perhaps curious about how a person can love such a person and in some cases stay with someone like that.
Well, first off. Sex offenders come in many shapes and sizes. They do not look like monsters, though some do look scary. Just like every day people look different, so do they. Some sex offenders are predators, some are not. Reasons people offend against others are as varied as the people the people you might meet walking the city streets. There is no cut and dry reason or rationale. Just like there is no cut and dried reason why I love my husband. I just do, for many reasons, some good, some questionable. I myself, am not someone who, if you met me, you would think I was anything but an average everyday woman. There is nothing that would cause you to say, "oooh, that girl is crazy stay away from her". My hair is not colored orange or purple, I don't dress in an outlandish way, I don't normally say things that are out of the ordinary. You would never know to look at me, that I live with a secret and deep heartache every day of my life. You would never know if you met my children that they too live with the pain and the secret as well. If you met me and my family, you would think of us, as an ordinary, average family struggling to make it in a somewhat recovering economy just like everyone else.
A big reason why I am writing this blog is to help ease some of the pain I feel from keeping a secret. The more things are kept inside, the more likely they are to blow up in your face at some point. At least that's what it seems like. I also see that my family is gearing up for round 2 of more pain and decisions need to be made. I don't want to do things the same as last time. I need to approach this in a different way, so that perhaps there is a different outcome. I don't know if there will be or not. I don't know if it will help or not. I am hoping that somehow, some way, my family will find healing, will be able to help others heal, from a disease that I am sure affects far more of us than anyone, even the specialists are prepared to admit. So if you care to follow me on this journey, maybe we will find out together what the future holds. Is there healing? Am I sick in the head? Is my husband beyond help? How will our children be affected? Will I stay hurt and angry for ever? What will we lose, what will we gain from this experience? Is there a reason why we are going through this?
Well, first off. Sex offenders come in many shapes and sizes. They do not look like monsters, though some do look scary. Just like every day people look different, so do they. Some sex offenders are predators, some are not. Reasons people offend against others are as varied as the people the people you might meet walking the city streets. There is no cut and dry reason or rationale. Just like there is no cut and dried reason why I love my husband. I just do, for many reasons, some good, some questionable. I myself, am not someone who, if you met me, you would think I was anything but an average everyday woman. There is nothing that would cause you to say, "oooh, that girl is crazy stay away from her". My hair is not colored orange or purple, I don't dress in an outlandish way, I don't normally say things that are out of the ordinary. You would never know to look at me, that I live with a secret and deep heartache every day of my life. You would never know if you met my children that they too live with the pain and the secret as well. If you met me and my family, you would think of us, as an ordinary, average family struggling to make it in a somewhat recovering economy just like everyone else.
A big reason why I am writing this blog is to help ease some of the pain I feel from keeping a secret. The more things are kept inside, the more likely they are to blow up in your face at some point. At least that's what it seems like. I also see that my family is gearing up for round 2 of more pain and decisions need to be made. I don't want to do things the same as last time. I need to approach this in a different way, so that perhaps there is a different outcome. I don't know if there will be or not. I don't know if it will help or not. I am hoping that somehow, some way, my family will find healing, will be able to help others heal, from a disease that I am sure affects far more of us than anyone, even the specialists are prepared to admit. So if you care to follow me on this journey, maybe we will find out together what the future holds. Is there healing? Am I sick in the head? Is my husband beyond help? How will our children be affected? Will I stay hurt and angry for ever? What will we lose, what will we gain from this experience? Is there a reason why we are going through this?
Thank you for your courage. I know many sex offenders, but have not met a monster yet.
ReplyDeleteThank you Virginia. I haven't met any yet either that I know of. I have heard plenty of horror stories though. It takes courage to post comments in support on this blog.
ReplyDeleteDebra,
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. I am in a similar situation. Until this post I thought I was going crazy. Please reach out to me if you feel it would help.